Why We Accidentally Take Away Other People’s Power

Why do we accidentally take away other people’s power, even when all we’re trying to do is help?

A little while ago, I was catching up with another healer over coffee. At one point in the conversation, I mentioned I had been experiencing some physical pain. I wasn’t asking for advice or looking for a healing. I was simply sharing what had been happening in my life, the same way friends naturally do.

Almost immediately she started trying to work it out.

“It’s probably because you’re not expressing yourself.”

“Have you checked whether it’s a past life?”

“Where are you not speaking up?…”

I remember feeling surprisingly irritated. Not because her suggestions were wrong,. But because they weren’t appropriate at the time. I wasn’t asking for her help…what I needed most in that moment, was a friend.  

Sometimes We Don’t Need Advice

The interesting thing was, I’d already explored everything she was suggesting.

As a Reiki healer, of course I’d already looked at the emotional, energetic and spiritual layers. I’d spent time reflecting on it, receiving healing, sitting with it, and allowing the experience to unfold naturally.

It had the same vibe as if she had asked a plumber over coffee how their week had been, and the plumber replying they’d been dealing with a leak at home.

You wouldn’t immediately ask, “Have you checked the pipes?”

Of course they’ve checked the pipes. They’re not telling you because they don’t know what they’re doing. They’re sharing because they’re human.

In that moment, I didn’t need someone to solve my problem. I needed someone to sit beside me in it and understand.

Helping Isn’t Always Helping

That conversation stayed with me for a long time. Not because of what she said, but because it made me reflect on how often we all do this.

Someone shares that they’re struggling. Within seconds the temptation is to jump into solution mode. We offer advice, share our opinion, recommend a book, podcast or practitioner. We tell them what worked for us.

On the surface it looks incredibly caring. And usually, the intention is. Most unsolicited advice doesn’t come from arrogance, it’s because people genuinely want to help.

But sometimes unknowingly, that ‘help’ quietly becomes rescuing. And rescuing, while well intentioned, can accidentally take away another person’s power.

The Helicopter Doesn’t Teach You How To Climb

Imagine someone standing at the bottom of a mountain.

They’re scared. Unsure whether they’re capable of making it to the top. As someone who cares deeply, it’s so tempting to rescue them! You could pick them up in a helicopter and drop them at the summit. Problem solved.

Except…

They would never discover that they were capable of climbing the mountain themselves. The view might be exactly the same, but the person arriving at the top is completely different. 

Self-confidence and self-trust isn’t built at the destination, it’s built during the climb. Every challenge, every wrong turn, every moment of doubt.

Sometimes the most compassionate thing we can do isn’t rescue someone. It’s to walk beside them and believe in them, while they discover their own strength.

Why We Feel The Need To Fix

The more I’ve reflected on this over the years, the more I’ve realised that our urge to fix people often has very little to do with them, and is more to do with us.

Helping makes us feel useful, needed and like we’re contributing. For many of us, these patterns began long before adulthood. As children, we were praised when we got the answer right and when we were helpful.

We were validated when we made our parents proud, and when we solved problems. Those moments felt good! We felt loved, seen and important.

Over time, our subconscious mind quietly learned a powerful equation: “If I’m useful, I’ll be loved.”

It’s a beautiful adaptation, but it can also become a trap. Because without realising it, we begin believing that our value comes from having the answers. And if we’re the one with the answers… People will need us. They won’t leave us. We’ll be safe.

None of this happens consciously. It’s simply one of the many ways our nervous system learns to protect us.

The Greatest Gift You Can Give Someone

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned through Reiki healing, coaching, and my own personal journey is this: The greatest gift you can give another person isn’t your advice. It’s your presence to be with them while they uncover their own solution. And it’s your belief that they can find their own answers.

That doesn’t mean we never offer guidance. Sometimes people genuinely ask for our opinion, and sometimes practical advice is exactly what’s needed.

But before we speak, perhaps the better question to ask that person is: “What do you need right now?”

Do they need information, practical advice, or simply to share their experience? Do they need a coach, a mentor, or simply a friend?

Or perhaps they need someone to believe in them until they remember how to believe in themselves again?

This Is What True Space Holding Looks Like

One of the biggest things I’ll be teaching in my upcoming online program ‘The Sovereign Self’ is something I believe we’ve slowly forgotten how to do.

How to truly hold space. Not fixing, not rescuing, and not carrying someone else’s emotions. Not making their journey about us.

Just creating enough safety that another human being can reconnect with themselves. Because that’s where lasting transformation happens.

Not when someone tells you who you are or how to be, but when you discover it for yourself.

Coming Home To Yourself

When I sit with a client, I’m not there to tell them who they are. I’m not there to tell them what to do. I’m there to create enough safety that they remember who they are. 

That’s what Reiki has taught me.

Healing doesn’t happen because someone else has all the answers. Healing happens when someone feels seen, heard, understood, and safe enough to reconnect with their own inner wisdom. Perhaps that’s the greatest gift we can ever give another human being.

And perhaps it’s also one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves 🤍

Ready To Learn A Different Way?

If this blog resonated with you, I think you’re going to love what I’m creating.

My upcoming 10-week online program brings together psychology, nervous system regulation, emotional intelligence, communication, Reiki healing, and spiritual growth to help you better understand yourself—and learn how to hold space for both yourself and the people you love.

Because sometimes the most powerful thing we can do isn’t rescue someone.

It’s trust that they’re capable of finding their own way.