The Quiet Ways We Abandon Ourselves

The quiet ways we abandon ourselves are often so subtle that we don’t even realise we’re doing it.

For the longest time, I certainly didn’t. There wasn’t some loud voice in my head saying, Ignore yourself! Put everyone else first! Do something you don’t want to do!

It was much quieter than that.

In fact, often there wasn’t a voice at all. There was simply an automatic behaviour. Someone needed something, so I helped. There was space in my diary, so I filled it. Someone invited me somewhere, so I went.

I was tired, but there were things to do, so I kept going. It was the weekend, so I should make plans. It was sunny, so I should get outside. I’d been spending a lot of time alone, so I should socialise. I was single, so I should be dating.

And because so many of these behaviours looked completely normal, even healthy, I didn’t recognise them as self-abandonment.

The problem wasn’t the walk, the work, the date or the plans.

The problem was that I hadn’t stopped to ask myself what I actually needed.

Self-Abandonment Can Be Incredibly Ordinary

Your body says: I’m exhausted.
Your mind replies: But it’s Saturday. I should do something.

Your body says: I don’t want to see anyone today.
Your mind responds: But I’ve been antisocial lately. I should make an effort.

Your intuition says: I don’t want to date right now.
Your mind: But everyone keeps telling me I need to put myself out there.

Your body says: No.
And your conditioning says: Yeah, but I should…

Sometimes self-abandonment begins in that tiny moment when we hear our own no…and override it.

But sometimes it’s even subtler. We override ourselves so quickly and automatically that we don’t consciously hear the no at all. We just do what we’ve always done.

That’s why awareness has to come first.

You Can’t Change What You Can’t See

Many of our automatic behaviours have been practised for years.

Perhaps we don’t want to disappoint someone. We don’t want to be rejected, misunderstood or seen as selfish. Maybe being helpful makes us feel valuable. Maybe keeping busy feels safer than stopping.

Often we’re not consciously thinking any of this. The behaviour simply happens.

That’s something I’ve become increasingly aware of through my own healing journey, Reiki practice and spiritual development.

I’ve spent years working with Reiki healing, energy work, meditation, and the subconscious mind. And I’ve learned that sometimes the biggest changes aren’t the huge spiritual breakthroughs.

They’re the tiny moments when you suddenly catch yourself doing something you’ve done automatically for years. But this time, you choose differently.

Sometimes Growth Looks Like Going Home

I had one of those moments recently.

It was Grand Final weekend here in Melbourne, and I’d planned to have lunch with a friend before watching the football with Dad. Except my body had other plans.

I’d been going through an incredibly intense week energetically and physically, and by the time I’d had lunch with my friend, I knew I’d reached my limit. I needed to go home.

In the past, I could easily have overridden that. But it’s Grand Final day. I had already made plans. But I should spend time with Dad. I don’t like cancelling on people.

Instead, I went home. 

I rested, and received an incredible energy healing that evening. I gave my body and nervous system the recovery time they were very clearly asking for, and arranged to see Dad when I had more capacity.

No guilt. No dramatic announcement about choosing myself. I simply listened. And honestly, sometimes that’s what growth looks like.

You Are Allowed to Need Something Different

This has been particularly important for me throughout my own spiritual awakening.

I’m not the same person I was several years ago. There was a version of me who travelled frequently, went out, drank champagne, practised yoga, socialised more and lived at a very different pace.

Recently, a friend who has known me both before and throughout this enormous period of change commented on just how much I’d shifted.

And he’s right. I’m still me. But I’m not that version of me anymore. Some of those parts may return. Some already have. Other parts may not.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter. What I’m learning is that I don’t have to force myself back into an old version of my life simply because it looked more “normal” from the outside.

And neither do you.

What you needed five years ago might not be what you need now. What your friend needs today might not be what your body needs.

Even something objectively wonderful – exercise, meditation, social connection, sunshine, Reiki, rest – they can become another “should” when we stop checking in with ourselves first.

Awareness Changes Everything

This is one of the biggest themes we’ve explored throughout The Sovereign Self.

Before you can change a pattern, you have to see it. We have to recognise the patterns before we can communicate a need. Before you can honour a boundary, you have to know where your boundary actually is.

You have to notice and be aware that you’re making a choice at all.

We’ve spent ten weeks exploring emotions, needs, triggers, wounds, boundaries, self-regulation, communication, Reiki, energy and the relationship we have with ourselves. And underneath so much of it are two very simple questions:

Can I hear myself?

And then:

Do I trust myself enough to respond to what I hear?

The Choice Has to Be Yours

The goal isn’t to never abandon yourself again. We’re human.

We’ll miss the signals sometimes, say yes too quickly, and we’ll realise halfway through something that actually, we don’t want to be there. Awareness simply gives us the opportunity to notice sooner.

And then choose again.

Maybe today you need sunshine, and to see your friends. Maybe you need movement, laughter and adventure. 

Other days, you might need Reiki or energy healing and the support of someone else. You might need to close the curtains, put your phone down and spend the entire afternoon on the couch.

Neither choice is better than the other. The question is whether the choice is actually yours.

As the first round of The Sovereign Self comes to an end, perhaps that’s one of the biggest things I hope everyone takes with them. Not another set of rules about how they should live. Not another version of themselves they need to become.

But a deeper awareness of who they already are, what they need, and the ability to hear themselves underneath all the noise.

Choosing yourself doesn’t always require some enormous act of courage. Sometimes it’s simply hearing the quiet voice inside you say: I need something different today.

And following through regardless of any outside noise. 

If this hits home and you want to know more, the waitlist for the next round of The Sovereign Self is now open – check it out here.